There’s no doubt about it – thinking about talking to your kids about divorce can bring up many different emotions. You might fear that you will damage your beloved children by divorcing, or by making a mistake when you have the dreaded conversation. You might be angry that you are getting divorced and resentful that you even have to have the divorce talk with your kids at all. It’s possible that you are sad, anxious, or any other feeling or combination of feelings as well. Despite all of that, though, once you and your soon to be former spouse have decided for certain that you are divorcing, it is time for you to plan for this crucial conversation together, and for delivering the news together, as a united front.
Introducing your children to the fact that you and their other parent are divorcing is a serious subject and must be handled with the utmost care. It’s time to set aside your differences for the time being and work together to decide when the conversation will take place, map out who will say what, and agree on ground rules for creating a calm and reassuring tone during “the talk”. When planning a time to talk, be sure to allow for as much time as you will need, including plenty of time for questions – because there will be lots of those.
When you plan out what you are going to say, it is important to be truthful without placing blame or bringing negativity to the table. For example, instead of saying that you are divorcing because one of you has been unfaithful, you can say that your relationship is not working out. Be sure to include plenty of reassurance that each of you loves each of your children and that you always will, because even though you might think that is obvious, it is not always visible to children, and you can’t say it too many times. Reassuring children that it is not their fault is also important. You know your kids best, and it may be helpful to think of some things to include in the conversation that will speak to each of them about things that are most important to them. This might mean talking about whether they’ll be remaining in the same school, talking about having two homes, discussing spending time with each parent, talking about spending time with friends, or anything else that you know the feel strongly about.
When it’s time to sit down with the kids and have the conversation, stick to your plan and create a gentle and reassuring tone for the discussion. Keep your conversation simple, age-appropriate, and relevant to your children’s lives, be sure to ask them whether they have any questions afterward, and answer questions as honestly as you can without being negative or disrespectful. By following the aforementioned suggestions, you can use this challenging conversation to set the stage for healthy relationships between each of you and your children as well as a cooperative and healthy co-parenting relationship between the two of you.
Texas Family Law Attorney Alex Tyra – Your Texas Divorce Attorney
Get answers to your questions about Texas divorce today – call Texas Family Law Attorney Alex Tyra at (903) 753-7499.